Is this what life is always like? The same pattern repeating over and over again? You think that as soon as you figure out one thing, all will be well, but it just so happens that something else to figure out comes in to take it's place.
What I'm talking about is hard to explain and even harder to avoid.
I'm talking about thoughts.
I'm now assuming that everyone has the same general fantasies about life. Something along the lines of "everything will be better in the future" or "I'll be happy when... (insert purchased object/life goal here)"
Sure, in the future, the thoughts you had before might be gone, but in their place are new thoughts about a different situation, and they wont go away until the situation changes again and then new ones will take their place.
Take right now, for example. Or rather, 4 months ago. Back then I was always worried about getting a job. 'Things will be better when I have a proper job', I thought. And then I got a job. And now there are new thoughts and worries to replace the old ones. Sure it's nice not to have to worry about finding a job, but that brain space has now been freed up to obsess over other things. Should I try to get this rental house? When should I go inspect it? Or should I resign myself to living in staff accommodation and paying double what i should be for rent? Will I regret not getting a place that boyfriend and family can stay at? Would it be too hard to live off mountain?
These are my thoughts now. And funnily enough, I'm still entertaining the same old fantasy: 'it'll all be better/easier when I live back in Melbourne again'.
I just don't think we learn. Or maybe we need to always be so optimistic about the future, no matter how many times it proves us wrong, because otherwise what is the point of change? I suppose life would be pretty dull if you knew the future isn't always going to be as easy as you make it out to be in your head.
But that's the fantasy, isn't it. And we all need a little fantasy every now and then.
