Sometimes it just hits you out of nowhere.
One minute, you're feeling okay, focused on other things, and then the next minute...
BAM.
It hits you like a tonne of bricks, as you realise you are far from okay. It all comes flooding back - everything that is never going to happen again. They come in the form of all the good things that have happened, but instead of giving you a warm, fuzzy memory, they hit you square in the chest and feel like a vice squeezing tighter around your heart as you understand what's been lost, potentially forever.
When does the yearning end? At what point do you stop wanting your life to go back to the way it was? Will you ever be able to fully accept your fate in this situation? It feels like the longing to go back will never, ever leave. Outsiders say there are better things ahead, they say everything happens for a reason and you're better off ... what do they know? No one else can understand the hurt and pain you feel, the hope you'll never let go of, and the terrifying reality of what's to come.
And the only person you want to talk about it all with, is the one person you can't.
Doesn't it all just make you want to throw something heavy at something very fragile?
